Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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