she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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