Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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