I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm jealous of your bromance
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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