Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think i have two assholes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
