quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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