Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
