i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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