Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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