someone threw a dead crab at me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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