I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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