I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............