P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.