She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
