i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins