that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?