I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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