Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse