Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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