how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
