I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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