My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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