just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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