Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
