Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
