I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
