Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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