so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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