Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
