I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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