I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
