I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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