Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
