So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
