This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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