Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
