Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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