I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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