what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
