Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
