WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
