i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
