Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
