Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
