What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
