I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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