I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
