i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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