Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
