Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
