I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
