Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize