We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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