Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
