he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
