i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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