did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
