Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
