I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize