guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
