i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
