i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
