It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
