If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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