Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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