I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
