He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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