Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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