im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
