This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
