I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
