My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
