We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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