He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
