If i come over, it means nothing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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