No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
