I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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