no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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