I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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