I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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