I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
